Campaign 2008 Rundown


The Democrats


Hillary Clinton is a lesbian kitten-killer. Which is it? Either she likes pussy or she doesn't.

John Edwards is cheating on his cancer-stricken wife. Maybe.

Barack Obama is a former druggie. And he may be black.

Dennis Kuchinich is controlled by space aliens. I believe his wife may be a Cylon.

Dennis found his encounter extremely moving. The smell of roses drew him out to my balcony where, when he looked up, he saw a gigantic triangular craft, silent, and observing him. It hovered, soundless, for ten minutes or so, and sped away with a speed he couldn’t comprehend. He said he felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind.”

The Republicans

Rudy Guiliani was behind 911! And, even worse, he's gay.

Mitt Romney is gay. Really gay.

Fred Thompson is gay. Or bisexual.

Michael Hucklee is nuts.

"If you want to believe that you and your family came from apes, that's fine. I'll accept that," he said Friday. "I just don't happen to think that I did."

Tom Tancredo is nuts.

After Tancredo referred to Miami as a "third-world country" in November 2006, President Bush remarked, "What a nut. I'm just disappointed. He's from my own my party. He's a Republican. He doesn't represent my views."

Ron Paul is nuts.