TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIAN
This post, originally lifted from godlikeproductions, but no longer archived there, drew more visitors than anything else on Covert History in the last two years. So today--a rerun.
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Tomorrow: strippers!
This post, originally lifted from godlikeproductions, but no longer archived there, drew more visitors than anything else on Covert History in the last two years. So today--a rerun.
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Tomorrow: strippers!
posted by gary at 11:51 AM
6 Comments:
11. Your primary source of information is country music stations, religious radio stations, and religious television shows.
12. When you go to church service, even if the venue is very small and sparsely attended, you love listening to amplified music, and reading the lyrics on the overhead projector.
13. You're jealous of those door-to-door religious salespeople who go under the name "JV", and wonder how they can be so darned organized!
... and there's probably a few more
regards, floss
14. Instead of reverse, your car has a "backslide" gear.
I think this pretty much sums up the absurdity of Christianity. However, you could raise these points with a fundamentalist and they will come back at you with a load of apologistic crap. They lack the intellect and the moral strength to explore true spirituality. Their narrow one-size-fits-all world view allows them use their limited intellect to focus on such secular things as reality TV. It's no wonder that they are the prime targets of charletans from the political right.
God is love
I'm not a very good Christian. I'm perfectly fine with every other religion out there. It just strikes me that you all aren't so much atheist as you are Anti-theist.
Why exactly are you threatened by my belief?
I take great comfort in know that if I'm wrong about the existence of God, all I've done is wasted a little time and energy. Do you feel as comfortable if it turns out you're wrong?
I'm just sayin'.
Oh, and go frak yourself. (Like I said, I'm not a very good Christian.)
Yeah and my lesbian hippie neighbors were telling me about their daughter's "Saturn Return". Fundamentalist Christians ain't got nuthin' on hippie new agers.
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